Mirror… Mirror…on the Wall

by Lou Perez.

Mirror…mirror…on the wall… Who’s the bravest of them all?  Hey mirror God!  Why did you set this curse upon me?  Why must I keep looking in the mirror to see this perfect creation that by no means what so ever isn’t perfect anyway? Fuck! I hate this! I wish I was perfect!  If I was perfect things would be so much easier for me. But, they’re not and I’m stuck in front of this old rusty mirror looking at one of the most hideous reflections I have ever seen.

I hate this life I tell you!  I wish I was perfect! Can you make me perfect mirror?  I think not!  If I was perfect maybe I would have been married by now.   If I was perfect, people would like to be around me more
often than usual.  I would get asked out on dates more often and girls wouldn’t look away or give me that strange awkward look  on their face like, Oh! He sure looks like a creep!

Mirror…mirror… on the wall, if I had one wish, that wish would be that I can be the most perfect looking human being on the face of this planet.  And I wouldn’t ask for a personality either.  To me, personality and being humorous are highly overrated.  From what I see these days, there seems to be no such thing as love, no real authentic love that is.

Love that our parents found,  love their parents, and their parents before them found. Conditional love that one carries for another no matter what shape or form the person is, no matter what color, fat, bald, money, no money.   Conditional love that can never be destroyed between two lovers,  this certain type of love is truly rare to find these days. It’s almost like it exists in some fantasy world out in the middle of some fucking dimension from another fucking galaxy! Nobody gives a fuck
about anyone these days! Doesn’t matter how nice of a guy you are! Doesn’t matter how funny you can be! Shit gets you nowhere in life from what it seems like, and being a gentleman… well you can kiss my ass with that bullshit!  Sure, I played the nice guy before, I was nice and genuine to the ladies, I tried being listening to them, offering them advice, comforting them when they were in need, and where did that get me in life?  Absolutely fucking nowhere I tell you! It has only made me feel like a total loser and a helpless freak to be honest!  I don’t mean to sound
like a pussy when I say this, but there were times when I was heart-broken, left behind in the dust, used and mistreated by women and so many so called close friends that I trusted and whom I thought would be there for me through the thick and thin. I was wrong about them! It seems like every girl I meet is too good to be true. They say this, that, and they never keep their end of the bargain. All they do is talk, talk, and lie for a fucking living without giving any kind of a damn consent! When-ever I try to reach out, they wonder why I’m being so courteous to
them, like I’m some kind of a fucking weirdo for that or some shit! If I try to call them, they ask… “ Is this an emergency?”  I reply no!  “Then call me back some other time!”

I give up!  I mean really!? Is that how you’re gonna play me!? Well, you can fuck off now! I don’t need any fake ass people around my life! My life is all ready depressing as it is and you want to mess with my emotions in such a false way!  I was always told that I am a real humble and funny guy with great character inside and out.  That I can always make somebody smile no matter how bad of a day they might be having. Hell! I’ve had girls tell me I was one unique person, the kind that are hard to find these days. This really made me feel special when I first heard it. But, after a while is just becomes obsolete and there really isn’t any truth behind it since I tend to fail with girls time after time. It’s a crock of shit! They don’t seem to care about personality, character, or any other desirable traits one might carry inside that’s up lifting to the soul and mind and being able to make them laugh just goes out the fucking window like everything else!

The real relationships that exist in this day and age, in this modern society, evolve around financial means and of course good looks.  Being physically attractive when it comes to vanity, is all that matters to both men and women now.  Let me put it to you like this… the man looks at a women’s breast, the size and shape, as well as her butt, same thing goes, the women looks at a man’s height, muscle tone definition, and his bank accounts. Oh! And let me add, if he has tattoos, piercings, along with a bad attitude to go with it, it’s a huge plus for what-ever the reason might be! It might be something like this, “ He’s an asshole, but at the same time he’s buff!” or, “ He’s an asshole, but at the same time he’s rich!”  Same logic here it just comes in different molds that’s highly required for women.  I’m not saying I’m ugly or out of shape or anything like that.  For the most part I actually take care of my body pretty well and perform heavy workout regimens to tone up a few pounds so I could look more appealing like eye candy when it comes to the opposite sex. But, that aside in the end it’s never good enough!   There is always going to be somebody who is better than you according to females and in their minds,  you are always expendable.   Unless you have all the fucking money in world, you might never hold a steady on-going relationship with a woman.  In many cases, you have to have some type of income in order just to date them. They’ll ask what you do for a living, who you live, with, what your plans for the future are, and if they don’t like what you have to say then they split faster than a speeding bullet.  Sorry you’re a great guy, funny and all, but I can’t commit myself to you right now! There is no real love! Not anymore at least! It’s all in my imagination! Sorry kid but you’re in it for the long ride, no room for errors here! I know!  I heard the saying looks don’t mean everything, but it’s all lies! Trust me! That’s what it comes down to in the end.

A girl or boy is never going to get a chance of falling in love or even having sex with a partner if he or she doesn’t have some type of sexual demands to satisfy the hunger they both require from a physical point of view. She’s ugly! But thank God she has some huge tits, she’s ugly!  But thankfully her ass is nice and round, he’s skinny but at least he’s dick is as big as pole! Or, his dick somewhat tiny, but at least he is built like a G.I. Joe action figure. Get the point? The female must have something to work with of some kind.

The reality of it is that most women are very picky.  Unlike a man, who can fall in love with a person if he simply enjoys being around a particular girl regardless if she’s not the prettiest female in the world, regardless of her financial status, or how she’s built from the head down.  The majority of the time a guy can look beyond those descriptions.    He simply loves her for who she is and her personality. Wish I can say the same for the opposite sex, but, times have surely
changed. Women always think they can do better.  Have a better mate. Find the perfect love.  Yes!  I said it!  Women are actually the biggest deceivers in the world.  More than men by my standards.  They lie about the little simple things in life.  Such as, their judge of character, plastic
surgery, who they’re talking to, who they have a crush on, and many times when they say shit like, “You can always count on me!”   This is nothing but a bluff.

Surely not every girl fits this description.  There are really some down to earth, honest, loving, caring ladies out there who are wonderful mothers, doctors, teachers and what not who have a warm hearts deep down inside.  I myself have a few female friends that I know for a fact I can always count on when-ever I’m in need of a friend or find myself in some sort of trouble.  From time to time I will ask them for advice regarding a specific situation females tend to have in inside on, like a question of whether or not this certain girl might like me.   I’ll ask the question and let a woman give me some feedback on tips what and what not to do in order to catch her attention and in time win her heart.   Again I have many female friends I personally know but only a few of them will take the time to listen to what you have to say and offer you support to the fullest needs.

Here’s a story… my best three female friends whom I’ve known for more than three years, have all actually fallen in love with me. This isn’t some puppy love type of thing, but the real actual love a person will inherit when discovering their true soul mate.   At first, my relationship
with each one of these ladies started off as just friends, and close friends I was with all of them.  We would hangout as friends and call one another to have conversations about what-ever we happened to do that day, the food we like to eat, the movies we’ve seen, and the certain types of music we generally listen to.  This makes excellent conversation from one to another on a daily basis with an everyday friend you regularly know.   Well, eventually over the time they all grew quite fond of me and sooner or later before I even suspected they planted the seed and told
me they had serious emotions burning inside.   I never felt weird about the situation,  I had all ready embraced them as loving, honest, characters who I know I can depend on no matter the cost.   Either though I never really felt that kind of physical attraction for them in that kind of way,  I never held it against them for developing these emotions for me.   I wasn’t going to shy away from them because of this,  I wasn’t going to feel awkward about it,  I wasn’t going to pretend like they just simply don’t exist anymore.  Regardless of how they felt over time, I never forgot the loving people they were and  all the good positive energy they brought to the table during our times as friends. Not everyone finds love,  but everyone should always have friends to lean on and have a loving bonding with in your life.

When I fell in love with this particular girl I once knew,  it ended up being one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I can’t say it was my fault either.  What happened was, we started off as close friends, spoke to each other on a daily basis, enjoyed each others’  laughter.   Afterwards when I told her how I really felt, and that I was growing feelings for her inside, she chose to depart from my life for good.  She stopped texting me, she stopped taking my calls,  she even deleted me from her Facebook page.   In the end, she thought it was best to completely disappear from me and leave me in the dust.   Never did she look back and think I might be leaving a great friend behind.   She basically didn’t care for a minute who we once were together.  What hurt me the most  was that I lost a good friend I deeply admired.  It would have been okay if she had told me she didn’t have any mutual feelings for me in that kind of way, as long as we can continue to speak as friends, that’s no problem with me.   But, cold hearted and rude she became in an instant.   I will never forget what she did!   It took me quite some time to get over it.  What made it harder was how tough it was for me not to picture her face in my mind since she was so beautiful and had a nice psyche to go along with her charming looks.

I tried the best I possibly could to hold myself together and not give in. This put me in such a depressed period and I slowly started to doubt that I would ever find someone who can truly love me for who I was.   If she couldn’t love me, then who will!?   I stopped trying to talk to girls for a three month period at one point.   I didn’t have what it took to get over that hump and engage conversation without embracing the possibility of rejection.   That could have just made me want to jump out a fucking window,  if I ever found myself standing in the same situation, feeling lost like an ant trying to find its way back to its colony.   Time went by,  and after having a long talk with one of my best guy friends who I have known for  20 years,  I got the fundamentals of life from his perspective.   He stated that I need to not put all my eggs into one basket and that I need to not worry about what people might say or think about me on a day to day basis.  He taught me how to stay strong and become a positive thinker without letting the best anyone get the best out of me.

Everyone has been rejected at some point in their life!  Everyone gets depressed!  No one is perfect!  Only God is perfect!  Stand up, live to fight another day!  And if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again!  These were  words coming from someone who I considered to be my brother from another mother, as they say, and words of wisdom indeed
they were.   From then on I kept my head on my shoulders.   I didn’t bother looking behind in the review mirror.  What for?  The past is the past and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. It will only bring back pain and sorrow, and who the hell would want to keep such negatives vibes running through their mind and body.  Who needs this? Not me!  Not now!  Not ever!  I’ve learned my lesson.  That lesson is deceivers come in all shapes and sizes, far and wide. They will go to lengths in order to bring you down and drain the life out of you like cancer eating away a helpless patient.  What he meant by don’t put all your eggs into one basket was that I was relying on other people to come forth,   leaning on those who can’t take the time and effort to be your friend or soul mate, which ever.   If they seem to always give you an excuse, then cut them loose.   Don’t get to attached to those who like to wear masks and hide behind their true persona. There should be a name for these type of people in the world.  Unlike a caterpillar who transforms into something another creature, something beautiful, they would be the opposite of this species.  A bloodsucking, two-faced monster taking the form of a human being bearing down on its prey as it moves closer and closer for the kill.   That’s what many folks nowadays do to one another. They come at you as friends with open arms and solicitude just to break your heart or betray you in the end without even giving you a warning.  Negative energy feeds off of lies,  they feed off of fear and love to consume hate in any form surrounding it.  It eats, eats, and eats! Till there is nothing left to digest! This energy flow will chew you up and swallow you whole like an eagle slugging down a worm.

So from here on in,  one has to earn trust and loyalty before you can enter the inner-circle of the group.   In this group, only tranquility and a path heading to a land of milk and honey will you find,  as the great Moses once said. The black sky  is polluted,  the society you
live in is  overrun by vultures and minions.  The people who stay hidden in the shadows are not who you thought they were.  I locked them up and threw away the key a long time ago. I’m on a path to find a new conquest from here.

My journey now is to go on a soul search and spend time with the people who care about me the most, which is family, God, and my best friend.  There I know I can find comfort for sure.  Home is where you make it, and God is the ultimate path anyone can ever follow.  This is the one place I know for a fact were everyone receives love, guidance, and protection,  from any evil spiritually or physically slithering around your presence. God heals everything. Maybe he can lend me a hand because I tend to find myself less the human at times.

I wake up, look in the mirror, and feel hopeless. Why is that God?
Can you cure me? Can you even help me? Let me know please!  I’ll be waiting on you.  This Thing inside gets a hold of me and tears me apart from within.   My addiction day in day out, is seeking perfection no matter what!  The world could be coming to an end and I wouldn’t have a single clue what’s going on due to the fact that I’m too busy examining my body and face up and down wondering if anyone could love me the way I look right now.   In fact, if I had the perfect body and the most charming looks, I would be so happy with myself that nothing else around me or anyone would matter in life.   I know that’s an awful thing to say,  but, it so happens to be that I have given up on being the nice guy. Nice guys finish last! I see this happen to so many good guys out there. They try so hard then fall flat on their face for being way too genuine with a woman.  Fuck being genuine!  Fuck being a nice guy! You head that route you will be destined to fail!  But, not in my opinion if you were beautiful as a rose, then it’s a much different story.   You even have a better chance of getting a job if you’re better looking than the person standing next to you, especially for the women.  If a women is pampering herself, splashing on her perfume,  wearing a nice tight black dress, walking tall in her high heels,  that woman is bound to catch the attention of anyone in the room.   Before you know it she’s walking out the door with her head held high knowing she has all ready planted the seed and will soon get the job.

So… mirror… mirror… on the wall, my refection is indeed a flaw,  make me more elegant so I can stand tall,  transform me into something breath taking so I can be more different from them all.  I know this is only a wish, a wish that will most likely never come to exist.  My hopes and dreams will once again be washed away in a bucket of warm piss.

Mirror…mirror… on the wall, do you not give a damn about me?!  Do you not see how much pain you’re causing me to build?!  Can you not see the scars?  Can you not smell the sorrow leaking out of my pores?  Are you even listening to me mirror?  Of course not!  I’m talking to a fucking mirror!  I’m done with you, good bye!

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This entry was published on December 4, 2013 at 4:15 am and is filed under base line tales, Opinion, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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